Because he has been a major part of your life, of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it out you’re relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was, probably a hundred times a day? Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take awhile, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s going to hurt.
How confused you must be, finding love in the blood that you bleed; but the truth is that I see why you say that ‘it’s hard to be me.’ And we all make mistakes. Its not you, but this world you should hate.